Adoption is one of those concepts that seem to get wildly misconstrued by many people who haven't experienced it first hand. It gets over-dramatized in soap operas and movies. Many times, adoption has a negative connotation attached to it. But I'm here to set the record straight. My experiences as an adopted kid were really, for the most part, nothing like what you see on TV. Usually when I tell people that I'm adopted, I get the following statements and questions from them. And using my own personal experience, I'm going to try to debunk the adoption rumors as best as I can. (Also, keep in mind that my experience may be a lot different from other adopted kids. I'm simply speaking about adoption through my eyes.)
No way! You're adopted?! But you're white.
Thank for the newsflash. Actually, a lot of kids that are adopted are white. Adoption isn't just for kids outside of the country you know. It happens in the US too. My little sister and I were both adopted in the US. The only difference is that I happen to be white and she happens to be biracial. People always assume she's adopted, simply because she doesn't look like the rest of the family, but no one ever stops to think that I am too. Well it's true. Believe it or not.
So, your parents didn't want you?
Yeah, this is one of the most hurtful statements I get. Of course no one wants to feel like they're not wanted, especially by their own flesh and blood. But I know that my birth parents placed me under adoption to give me a better life. They were too young, and already had another little girl. They were in bad financial situations and had some drug issues going on. They knew I would be better off somewhere else. It's not that any adopted children are unwanted by their birth parents. In fact, more often than not, it's because the birth parents care about the child so much that they're willing to give them up so they can have a better life. If my birth parents didn't want me, I most likely wouldn't even be here right now.
It must've been a shock when you found out you were adopted.
Actually, it wasn't. But that's because I grew up knowing that I was adopted. I never not knew that I was adopted. My parents weren't shy about showing me pictures of my birth family, and even helped me write a couple letters from time to time. They were very open about it and that made a HUGE difference in the way I've viewed being adopted. I can't imagine any parent telling a kid who's 13 that they were adopted. That just seems cruel in my opinion. That's when real issues can start with an adopted kid. It's best to be straight up with your kid from the beginning. Trust me, I know.
So, do you call your adoptive mom, "Mom"?
Of course! And she's not my adoptive mom, she's my mom. She's the one who raised me and had to put up with me my entire life. She is my mother, my father is
my father, and my sister is my sister. Adopted or not.
Do you have depression?
Actually yeah I do. But it has nothing to do with being adopted. I recently found out that my birth family is deeply rooted with clinical depression. So yeah I've had to deal with that, but that's just the result of genetics, not because I was adopted. However, adoption and depression unfortunately do have signs of correlation. You can read about depression in adopted people here from an adoptee with this personal experience.
How about identity issues?
Honestly I have struggled with identity issues because of being adopted. I mean it sucks not knowing what it is that makes you you. Where did I get the freckles on my face, or my long fingers, or my ability to sing? A picture can only tell you so much about where you came from. And a lot of people take for granted the fact that they know where they came from. I really had no clue. That was always the hardest part for me.
It must be hard to live with knowing you're adopted everyday.
Believe it or not, I don't think about it every day. I live the life I have with the family I've known my entire life and honestly, my family's no different than anyone else's. My mom gets mad at me for not cleaning my room, my dad yells at me for staying out past my curfew, and my sister and I bicker over clothes. It's just life. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I actually spend time deeply thinking about it, and it's always in the back of my mind just a little bit, but I don't dwell on it every single day. Why should I?
Will you ever get a chance to meet your birth family?
Actually, I just did. My family and my birth family made an agreement that when I turned 18, I would get a chance to reconnect with my birth family. And since then I have! And it's literally been the best experience of my entire life. All the puzzle pieces I didn't even know I was missing fell into place and it feels pretty freaking awesome. We only live an hour or so away from each other, so we see each other every other weekend. I've met my birth mother's mom, my two other sisters, my birth mom, her sisters, and her nieces. I still have yet to meet my birth dad, but I hope to soon. I feel very lucky because I know there are many adopted kids who don't get as happy an ending as mine. But I hope the ones who don't get some kind of closure because that's important.
So, which family do you love more?
I can honestly say that I don't love one more than the other. Honestly! I do however love them both for different reasons. With my family, I've known them my whole life and they've taken care of me and loved me and given me a good life. And with my birth family, I just feel completely accepted and whole, like all my pieces are put together. So no, I don't love one more than the other. In fact, I think my heart has grown just a little bit more to make room for both of them.
Well, I hope I was able to shed a little bit of light on this whole adoption thing. Honestly, adoption is just something that makes me me. It hasn't ruined my life or made my life any less in worth. For the most part, I'm happy. I know plenty of adopted people who feel the same way.
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