Writing a blog has honestly been one of the most terrifying, freeing things that I've allowed myself to do. I've learned a lot about myself through this experience and what I'm capable of writing. It can be scary sharing your opinions and thoughts, but it's a great idea in the end because you can make a difference and inspire other people to help make a change where we need it the most.
For anybody who's scared of writing or putting their thoughts out there, I have something to tell you. Stop being afraid! Nothing is going to change if you're afraid. No one is going to hear your voice if you're afraid. And trust me, your voice is worth hearing.
And so now I leave you with a link to the inspiring person that helped me learn to speak my mind.
Society is constantly throwing images in our faces of what an ideal body shape should look like. You can barely go anywhere without seeing a blown-up picture of a too-perfect-looking human being with white teeth and glossy hair and an unnaturally good looking body that makes you look down at your own with a sick feeling in your stomach. Newsflash, everybody does it. And newsflash, those people advertised don't look like that in real life.
Body image is such a big deal because our bodies our the most vulnerable things we have. They're the first thing people notice and subconsciously evaluate. And that's why people are so worried about their own. If your body isn't "socially acceptable" does that then make you a social pariah? "Fat" has been seen as a negative connotation in society, and we're only now starting to break away from that.
While this is, in general, a great step for society, we've now taken two steps back. And why? Because now "skinny" is quickly becoming the new fat. Nobody wants to be skinny. Skinny is bad. Skinny is unattractive. Popular musical artists are starting to take slams at skinny people. Meghan Trainer's "All About That Bass" pretty much is a giant middle finger to "skinny bitches" and Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" clearly states "F*ck the skinny bitches." Why don't you just eat a cheeseburger, skinny people? Why don't you just put a little more meat on your bones, skinny people? Real women have curves, skinny girls.
As a naturally skinny person, I'm gonna be real honest with you. I'm tired of this shit.
And it's not that I'm just tired of people hating on skinny people. I'm tired of people hating on people in general. It's not "socially acceptable" anymore to tell fat people to lose weight, but yeah, go ahead and rag on the skinny people, they've had their turn.
And it's true, a lot of models are depicted as tall and thin, but really only a handful of the higher-end fashion companes use models that are unhealthily so. And yes, I agree promoting an unhealthily under-weight model is totally unacceptable, but it's less common than you think. So why is promoting unhealthily over-weight models acceptable now?
And let's be real, most models are photo shopped like nobody's business anyway. Those girls with flat-as-a-board stomachs but unproportionally large breasts and asses? Yeah, that's not how it works unless you get plastic surgery. But it's not as if thin girls don't have "curves" either. We have hips and boobs and butts too. We're not two dimensional stick figures thankyouverymuch.
So now let's get down to the nitty gritty of what reallyis the issue. And let me tell you something, it's a doozy so hang on to your seats....
Everyone's body shape is different.
Wow. Crazy concept I know. Take a moment to recover from your shock. But seriously, nobody (girl or guy) is cut with the same exact cookie cutter shape. We all look different. It's about how we take care of ourselves and how we keep ourselves healthy.
Anorexia and other eating disorders usually blame the "skinny" image placed on society, but eating disorders are an actual diagnosed condition. Like depression or any other mental illness, And no, we shouldn't glamorize the underweight and put models on the catwalk that mimic the bodies of those with these eating disorders. That's wrong. That's a bad influence to other people.
But you also have to take into account that obesity is a HUGE issue in society today. And putting overweight models on the runway is no different than putting skeleton-thin girls on the runway, It's an unhealthy outlook and it's wrong.
Being healthy is what really matters. Yeah, I'm thin. But I eat more than most of the guys I know and I make (for the most part) healthy food choices. I get my exercise in and I (try) to work out everyday. And yeah, I do have the occasional weekend of binge watching Netflix and eating an entire jar of Nutella, but I'm only human after all.
If a particular company is putting pressure on bigger girls to lose weight to look "attractive", they're wrong. If an overweight person who hasn't left the couch in a week or made any attempt to exercise or eat something other than the giant bag of Sour Patch Kids in their hand criticizes a thin girl for her healthy lifestyle choices, that's super wrong too.
Some people were born bigger, some people were born smaller. Just like some people were born with blue eyes and some were born with brown eyes. As I've stated before, no one is better than the other, We're all just trying to get along in life and worrying about whether or not we're too fat or thin shouldn't be made a big concern. Screw society and what they think. Small people are beautiful and big people are beautiful. And why does it have to be any more complicated than that?
For anybody struggling with body insecurity check out this video.
Adoption is one of those concepts that seem to get wildly misconstrued by many people who haven't experienced it first hand. It gets over-dramatized in soap operas and movies. Many times, adoption has a negative connotation attached to it. But I'm here to set the record straight. My experiences as an adopted kid were really, for the most part, nothing like what you see on TV. Usually when I tell people that I'm adopted, I get the following statements and questions from them. And using my own personal experience, I'm going to try to debunk the adoption rumors as best as I can. (Also, keep in mind that my experience may be a lot different from other adopted kids. I'm simply speaking about adoption through my eyes.)
No way! You're adopted?! But you're white.
Thank for the newsflash. Actually, a lot of kids that are adopted are white. Adoption isn't just for kids outside of the country you know. It happens in the US too. My little sister and I were both adopted in the US. The only difference is that I happen to be white and she happens to be biracial. People always assume she's adopted, simply because she doesn't look like the rest of the family, but no one ever stops to think that I am too. Well it's true. Believe it or not.
So, your parents didn't want you?
Yeah, this is one of the most hurtful statements I get. Of course no one wants to feel like they're not wanted, especially by their own flesh and blood. But I know that my birth parents placed me under adoption to give me a better life. They were too young, and already had another little girl. They were in bad financial situations and had some drug issues going on. They knew I would be better off somewhere else. It's not that any adopted children are unwanted by their birth parents. In fact, more often than not, it's because the birth parents care about the child so much that they're willing to give them up so they can have a better life. If my birth parents didn't want me, I most likely wouldn't even be here right now.
It must've been a shock when you found out you were adopted.
Actually, it wasn't. But that's because I grew up knowing that I was adopted. I never not knew that I was adopted. My parents weren't shy about showing me pictures of my birth family, and even helped me write a couple letters from time to time. They were very open about it and that made a HUGE difference in the way I've viewed being adopted. I can't imagine any parent telling a kid who's 13 that they were adopted. That just seems cruel in my opinion. That's when real issues can start with an adopted kid. It's best to be straight up with your kid from the beginning. Trust me, I know.
So, do you call your adoptive mom, "Mom"?
Of course! And she's not my adoptive mom, she's my mom. She's the one who raised me and had to put up with me my entire life. She is my mother, my father is
my father, and my sister is my sister. Adopted or not.
Do you have depression?
Actually yeah I do. But it has nothing to do with being adopted. I recently found out that my birth family is deeply rooted with clinical depression. So yeah I've had to deal with that, but that's just the result of genetics, not because I was adopted. However, adoption and depression unfortunately do have signs of correlation. You can read about depression in adopted people here from an adoptee with this personal experience.
How about identity issues?
Honestly I have struggled with identity issues because of being adopted. I mean it sucks not knowing what it is that makes you you. Where did I get the freckles on my face, or my long fingers, or my ability to sing? A picture can only tell you so much about where you came from. And a lot of people take for granted the fact that they know where they came from. I really had no clue. That was always the hardest part for me.
It must be hard to live with knowing you're adopted everyday.
Believe it or not, I don't think about it every day. I live the life I have with the family I've known my entire life and honestly, my family's no different than anyone else's. My mom gets mad at me for not cleaning my room, my dad yells at me for staying out past my curfew, and my sister and I bicker over clothes. It's just life. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I actually spend time deeply thinking about it, and it's always in the back of my mind just a little bit, but I don't dwell on it every single day. Why should I?
Will you ever get a chance to meet your birth family?
Actually, I just did. My family and my birth family made an agreement that when I turned 18, I would get a chance to reconnect with my birth family. And since then I have! And it's literally been the best experience of my entire life. All the puzzle pieces I didn't even know I was missing fell into place and it feels pretty freaking awesome. We only live an hour or so away from each other, so we see each other every other weekend. I've met my birth mother's mom, my two other sisters, my birth mom, her sisters, and her nieces. I still have yet to meet my birth dad, but I hope to soon. I feel very lucky because I know there are many adopted kids who don't get as happy an ending as mine. But I hope the ones who don't get some kind of closure because that's important.
So, which family do you love more?
I can honestly say that I don't love one more than the other. Honestly! I do however love them both for different reasons. With my family, I've known them my whole life and they've taken care of me and loved me and given me a good life. And with my birth family, I just feel completely accepted and whole, like all my pieces are put together. So no, I don't love one more than the other. In fact, I think my heart has grown just a little bit more to make room for both of them.
Well, I hope I was able to shed a little bit of light on this whole adoption thing. Honestly, adoption is just something that makes me me. It hasn't ruined my life or made my life any less in worth. For the most part, I'm happy. I know plenty of adopted people who feel the same way.
Music and poetry go hand in hand pretty nicely. Especially if the lyrics are meaningful and you can just feel the music. As a musician, music is probably one my favorite things EVER! But listening to the right kind of music is key. So I compiled a list of 15 modern artists that are a must to listen to, especially if you like poetry or actually listen to the lyrics.
Daughter
I gotta be honest with you. Daughter is my absolute favorite. Her meaningful lyrics, her cool music...I seriously lost count of how many songs I have of hers on my iPod. She's pretty great.
There's something so great about Leon Bridges. I don't know if it's his smooth soulful voice or his gospel style sound, but he's definitely worth listening to.
Best song: River
Best lyric: "A fear hangs over my head/ I search for peace in the midst of it all/ What we had in those photographs so far gone/ I gotta move on" (So Long)
I'm a big fan of sassy and independent feminist singers who practically dare you to censor them. And Halsey definitely fits the bill. She's got kind of a slam poetry style to most of her songs. However, sadly, her best songs aren't the ones they play on the radio. But then again, isn't that the truth for every artist.
Best song: Gasoline
Best lyric: "I'm bigger than my body/ I'm colder than this home/ I'm meaner than my demons/ I'm bigger than these bones" (Control)
Alright alright alright. I'll admit it, I was pretty skeptical about them myself, but these guys are seriously good. Their style is very similar to that of Green Day's and the lyrics are loud and rebellious and pretty freaking awesome.
Best song: She's Kinda Hot
Best lyric: "Sick of the system/ Don't wanna hear it/ It's not a secret/ I'm just a reject" (Rejects)
If you don't like Mumford & Sons, you arguably don't have a pulse.
Best song: The Wolf
Best lyric: "Keep the earth below my feet/ For all my sweat my blood runs weak/ Let me learn from where I have been/ Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn" (Below My Feet)
If you're looking for clever wordplay, Melanie Martinez is your girl. She can turn seriously messed up things about society into childish metaphors and it's crazy cool.
Best Song: Sippy Cup
Best Lyric: "If you want a little more confidence/ Potatoes turn to french fries yeah it's common sense/ All you need's a little more condiments/ And a hundred thousand dollars for some compliments" (Mrs. Potato Head)
They date back a little ways, but they're still active in the music business even today! Their cool music and odd but meaningful lyrics definitely make them a unique and interesting band.
Best Song: Wish You Were Here
Best Lyrics: "When I was a child/ I caught a fleeting glimpse/ Out of the corner of my eye/ I turned to look but it was gone/ I cannot put my finger on it now/ The child is grown/ The dream is gone"
Oh where to begin. Her songs are a lot like her name: simple, snappy, and interesting. Many people are familiar with her song Royals, but she's got a bunch more masterpieces up her sleeve.
Best song: Glory and Gore (though World Alone is a close second)
Best lyric: "I'll be the beauty queen in tears/ It's a new art form showing people how little we care" (Tennis Court)
Everybody was freaking out when Hey Ho came out, but does anybody really appreciate the true greatness that is The Lumineers? They remind me a lot of Mumford and Sons with their acoustic sounds and poetic lyrics. Definitely worth checking out.
Best song: Slow It Down
Best lyric: "It's a long road to wisdom/ But it's a short one to being ignored" (Flowers In Your Hair)
If you want sassy, you came to the right place. Keep being awesome Ms. King. (Also, if you like her sound, Gin Wigmore is also a good artist to check out.)
Best song: America's Sweetheart
Best lyric: "And I bet it gets tiring always having to be right/ Well I'd love to be a cheating man to fill those lonely nights" (Good To Be A Man)
Talk about underrated! Marina is killing it with her snarky and honest lyrics and her unique pop sound. She's all I listened to in high school. She really deserves more credit.
Best song: How To Be A Heartbreaker
Best lyric: "I guess you could say that my life's a mess/ But I'm still looking pretty in this dress/ I'm the image of deception" (Homewrecker)
BONUS: Nitesky by Robot Koch (because the music is actually one of the greatest things ever)
Obviously, there are TONS more artists with killer lyrics and great music. I always love hearing about new songs and artists. and I love sharing my music collection. Music is the ultimate human connector. You can learn so much about a person just by listening to their favorite musician or song. Let's just be real. Music rocks!
It's no secret. Everybody shops. And I'm not gonna lie, I LOVE shopping. A lot of people do. But what a lot of people don't know is exactly what goes on behind the scenes.
When I turned 18, I got my first real paying job for a pretty well-known fashion company at a strip mall. I was super excited and I felt really grown up. I was the youngest girl they had hired there and that was pretty cool.
Everything was going smoothly, but there were a few little things I had noticed that didn't really sit right with me. Some casual backhanded comments about a few customers between my managers, a couple instances of special treatment to certain customers and not-so-great treatment to others. But it was my first job! I wasn't gonna say anything. I was lucky to be working here and I didn't want to jeopardize anything.
But really, the warning signs started during my interview. The first thing my boss said to me was "Wow, you're like, soooo pretty." As if that's a prerequisite. And then when she asked about my goals I had replied that I wanted to finish college and hopefully go into a career involving writing and she looked at me like I was crazy. "I meant fashion goals, silly." As if that's the only thing that matters in this world. And I'm the silly one.
I gave some pretty BS answers if we're being honest. But I needed a job. And I did not want to be stuck working in a fast food restaurant. So I smiled and giggled and flipped my hair and acted like fashion was my absolute FAVORITE thing when in all actuality 75% of the clothes I owned were still from middle school or hand-me-downs from my cousin. Honestly, I could care less.
But working there changed me. I started buying a lot of new clothes and putting on a full face of makeup every single day. I found myself judging other girls based on their looks or the way they dressed. My friends noticed a change in my behavior. I was probably a miserable person to be around. But I was fitting right into my work environment and that's what mattered to me.
But then came the time of the year where Black Friday was rolling around and my boss told everyone to have a friend fill out an application to help work that day with us. I was so excited and I told my best friend right away. It took a little convincing because she felt her "look" didn't correlate well with the fashion business, but she filled out an application and sent it in.
All the managers at work said they were super psyched that my best friend was working and they couldn't wait to meet her. I was excited too. I was definitely looking forward to Black Friday.
But when Black Friday finally came and my best friend and I strutted into that store feeling like bad ass bitches, my boss took one look at my best friend and said "Sorry, she can't work here with us tonight."
...
....what?
She fed me some line about her application not being turned in, which is a complete lie because all my managers had seen it and it had been approved.
I found out later that my boss didn't see her as "fashion material." By merely taking one single glance at her.
And what makes me mad is that my best friend is one of the kindest people I know. She's hardworking, and she would've done an amazing job working in the store that night. But she's not a size 5 and she doesn't put much time into her outward appearance so obviously she's not fit to work at a fashion store.
I quit that night.
It was the best decision I've ever made.
Now I'm a teacher at a daycare and I'm the happiest I've been in a while.
I feel like I'm a making a difference to these little kids. A real difference. One that's going to impact their lives someday. An impact that actually matters, not one that determines the clothes in their closet.
My looks don't matter there. My heart does, and my brain. The really important stuff matters.
It's upsetting that we live in a world where so much stock goes into the type of clothes we wear, or the kind of make up we put on, or the body structure that we were born with.
None of that really matters.
I'm no better than my best friend just because I can fit into a certain pair of jeans and she can't.
I'm no more entitled just because my legs are longer than the girl's sitting next to me.
All of it's ridiculous and none of it really matters.
Now I still enjoy the occasional shopping spree with my friends, but now I'm more aware of the people around me. Now I'm careful about the way I treat people.
Everyone deserves respect. Whether you're a size 0 or a size 13. No one is better than the other.
And so now whenever I sit down for an interview, the first thing I want my interviewer to say to me is "Wow, your resume is so impressive." And when they ask me about my goals and I tell them exactly how I want to make an impact on the world, they tell me "Those are admirable goals. Don't ever give up on them."
(You can read about other more extreme cases of modern discrimination in the fashion retail business here and here.)
What if I told you that Barbie is the best role model a little girl could possibly have? That she has stood as a beacon for feminism for decades? That we actually have a lot that we can learn from her, especially in today's society?
You'd probably say I'm crazy. And then maybe you'd punch me in the face. You might think I'm joking. I'm joking right?
Absolutely not.
For 55 years, Barbie has been one of the most popular and best selling toys to ever hit a store shelf. And you wouldn't BELIEVE how busy she's been all these years. Barbie is recorded to have had more than 130 careers! And she's appeared in over 6,000 different styles. Plus, she looks GREAT for her age.
Despite these accomplishments, modern society has viewed Barbie with a negative connotation. But why exactly? Is it because of the way she looks or her love for fashion? Maybe it's her overly happy and bubbly personality or her obsession for pink. Probably all of the above.
Barbie has been criticized for YEARS about her looks. After all, she's skinny, blonde, blue eyed, and basically stereotypically perfect. For skinny girls with blonde hair and blue eyes (like me), this was terrific! But for other people who couldn't relate to Barbie's looks, this could probably be seen as annoying. I mean come on! Nobody should be that skinny. She's obviously fake looking; nobody could look like that even if they tried.
Guys. She's a doll. It honestly shouldn't matter what she looks like.
And actually Mattel is bringing out a whole new line of Barbie dolls with different figures, heights, and looks. You happy now?
As for Barbie's love for fashion and all things pink, we all have our hobbies. And Barbie's not exactly limited to just fashion and pink. She plays sports, she has different careers, and her resume is chock full of different things. She just so happens to do it with fashion...and a lot of pink. There's nothing wrong with that. To each his (or her) own, right?
If you've read any Barbie books, or seen any Barbie movies, or really pay attention to anything Barbie ever, you probably know that she can be a bit over the top bubbly sometimes. You do have to remember that Barbie is geared more for younger girls. She's no more over the top than say Dora, or Minnie Mouse, or any other children's television character. And the messages in her movies and books are always great for young kids. Lessons about being kind to others, to not judge people on appearances, and to always be yourself are just one of the many inspiring themes Barbie offers to children. Friendship also plays a very important role in all her movies and books. It may come off a little corny sometimes, but hey! Kids understand it and that's the important thing.
In media today, people try to over-sexualize Barbie, and make her seem more ditzy and looks-oriented than she actually is. It's become an obsession in society. Girls have even gone so far as plastic surgery to achieve the "ultimate Barbie look." Valeria Lukyanova is an extreme example of this. She's so "barbie-like" it's almost not like Barbie at all. (You can see what I mean and check out her Instagram here). People are spending millions of dollars on plastic surgery to become these sexualized human Barbie dolls. It's an obsession.
Again....SHE'S A DOLL.
And that's not what she stands for anyway. Barbie was originally a sign of female empowerment. WE are the ones that have degraded her and WE are the ones that have turned her into a sex symbol and a no brain airhead. Literally, the 1984 Barbie tagline was "We girls can do anything." How in the world does something so empowering turn into something so venereal and demeaning? It's because of our society. And our society won't change unless we change our point of view and the actions that follow. In the words of Barbie "Be anything, do everything." Come one guys, let's make Barbie proud.
